Archive for June, 2010

Unconditional love: How can we practice it in our day-to-day lives?

Posted June 20th, 2010 by Steve Alexander


I’m always amazed at how easy it is to be supportive, encouraging and complimentary to co-workers, colleagues and those that work for and with us every day. Offering a spontaneous, “Great job!” “Well done!” “Your work is showing real progress.” or “I was really impressed by how you handled that last challenge,” are words that are rewarding, when heartfelt and timely. So, why don’t we do it more ofen?

We don’t make the time. We don’t think of it. We’re too busy. And yet, an expression of support and gratitude in the workplace is just as valuable as those we experience in our personal lives.

Sometimes our co-workers seem caught up in their own issues, attitudes and challenges. This is when it takes an extra effort to remember a well-spoken, well-considered phrase can make all the difference in the world. One lesson I’ve learned is we never really know what’s going on with others who cross our paths at work. Sometimes folks get moody, testy, grumpy… you know the words that describe it. Reaching beyond our own moods and attitudes, and looking for that moment of unconditional love, pushes us to consider what might be going on in their lives that goes unspoken. Someone whose spouse is struggling with a life-threatening illness, maybe an argument at home that left an emotional tear, countless issues that make us all human, vulnerable and sometimes distracted in the workplace.

Looking for opportunities to practice unconditional love means acting in way that doesn’t seek the reward for your own behavior. Sure, you might see the response when you’ve taken the time to single out someone for extraordinary effort. That’s not the point; it’s not the doing of it for the sake of the result; it’s the doing of it because you’re doing the most loving and caring thing in the moment.

I once counseled a young couple to ask each other in the midst of their fighting, “What would love do in this circumstance?” They were surprised by the approach. In the midst of tension, at work or home, it’s the last thing we think of when instead we want to make our point, win our argument or ‘teach’ someone something. And yet the power of loving and caring in those moments can be profound and game-changing.

So, when you’re at work today, or for that matter, anywhere, look for the opportunity, seek out the spontaneous moment when unconditional love can be your game-changer. Look beyond your busyness, your own issues and priorities, and find that unconditionally loving moment; look beyond the words and outward impression, into the hearts of those around you. Share a thoughtful, caring and supportive moment. What happens next might be a surprise… not only to you, but as well to the lives of those you touch.



“Why am I here?”

Posted June 6th, 2010 by Steve Alexander


I was recently asked to attend and facilitate a small planning meeting. Before we got started, one of the attendees asked the question, “Why am I here?”I could tell it was not about the meaning of life nor was it rhetorical! It actually startled everyone, and I realized immediately not everyone was on the same page as the person who ‘called’ the meeting (in our business that’s commonly referred to as the ‘convener’). 

Meetings are one of the biggest issues I hear folks in my world talk about, question and criticize. In fact, the word ‘meeting’ and the phrase ‘waste of time’ are often either synonymous or at least heard in the same sentence. Rarely do people seek my services because they have such great meetings and just want to make them even better. Usually, as part of the executive coaching, team-building process and overall improvement program, they want to know how to make their meetings work.

The question was one of the most direct ways I’d heard of asking that series of questions we should all ask when we’re planning to attend or, if it can’t be done prior, actually attending a meeting. Why am I here? What value do I add? What value will this meeting add to my work, what I need to produce for the company, how I support my peers, satisfy my customers, enhance my skills, etc.? Is this a meeting I need to be in face-to-face? Can the results be achieved in some other manner that’s less costly and time-consuming and more effective? What’s expected as a result of my attendance? What will I do differently, more of/less of, as a result of this meeting? You ever ask yourself these questions? Out loud? In front of your peers? Try it.

It’s the convener’s job (remember, that’s the person who calls the meeting) to be crystal clear about the meeting purpose: what key outcome(s) need to be achieved that warrant(s) those in attendance being there to achieve that purpose. The second job of the convener is to select the right participants. Who is, and why are they, necessary to achieve that purpose? This isn’t determined by title or even the job they hold in the organization. It’s more important to consider what ‘value add’ each participant will have to achieving that meeting purpose. Another key question for the convener is what exactly do we need to accomplish in the meeting, and how should the meeting be structured to accomplish that, in order to fulfill the meeting purpose? Finally, ask what materials and information participants need to have in advance and/or at the meeting to wisely use their time and produce the outcome. (This is guided by the proviso that a meeting should never be used to ‘read’ information to participants!)

If you’re a convener, don’t  call your next meeting without answering these questions. If you’re a meeting participant, don’t be afraid to startle your colleagues and the convener with this critical question, “Why am I here?” If you want to be part of effective, high-energy, high-impact meetings, apply this simple question and encourage a business culture that supports it. Your company, co-workers, customers and you deserve it!




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